Hello everyone~~~ yey!!! semester break starts today due to the public holiday on saturday~~yey! Happy holiday UBDians and selamat menyambut maulidur rasul~~
Salam..b4 i sleep..i jus wana pour out a lil bit.it was a crappy crappy day for me 2day.tho i was able to put on the smile bt deep inside i was pretty upset of myself.i should have folowed my instinct.. Nvertheless,i learn frm all my mistakes.its nobody fault bt mine.. Im so thankful to have friends who always cheer me up.. I was able to face it with bold heart.. When i was otw home, driving alone my tears drop endlessly.. I was upset.. But stil hv d urge to motivate myself dat its gonna be ok..i wna b optimistic but learn from my faults with open heart n mind.. Nvr want to make d same mistake again.. But for now, i hop i wont b facing journal articles related assignments cos it REALY give me the creep.. Wana rest now.. Wish me well *feverish* -end-
Last saturday during science class we did puppet presentations on our puppet that we had done last thursday.. mine was suppose to be a panda but end up jadi koala bear.. uhuh usulnya mcm koko krunch so i name her koko krunch.. done the presentation with dy.. dy made a zebra.. her zebra was soo soo belabih..ahah sakit parut ketawa eyy ulahnya.. hehe had a really fun time with all my friends time tu~~ siuuk aa besorak2 tuk durang... fun fun fun~~ dr.norhani asked zebrawaty (dy's puppet) napa ia ada stripes and zebrawaty said psal dulu pernah taie cicak gugur rh badannya.. ahah~
Hello dear readers and friends~ im home at the moment and ill be back to hostel later tonight.. neveeesss tahap gaban ku ni.. cos b4 cuti dat day ku lupa masukkan brg2 ku yg d luar k dalam bilik.. shot! i hope inda lasap smua brg2 ku tu krg.. lau inda.. duhhh~~~ neves ku tu kan ngaga k lobby lagi.. ish2.. pasal last week didnt stay at hostel.. n this week tonight baruth tidur hostel.. i somehow miss my hostel room.. apakah abar nya..hehe grenti krg melap abuk yg betimbun2 ni.. this week ada cleaning campign.. so will be back home on friday or saturday.. its the 1st cleaning campaign for this semester.. last sem mcm jrg ada cleaning campaign ani ahh .. slalunya lau campaign ni i just sapu luar bilik rh lorong2 and my room.. p pernah jua masa rh block mana kah kami cuci aisbox.. huhuh kamah berabis lah aisbox time tu.. demi hostel kami sanggup menyuci.. aseh!heheh
Oooo.. Happy Chinese New Year to all my chinese friends and you who celebrate it.. how was ur gong xi celebration? hope u enjoyed it :)
Ive been watching a japanese series given by tikah called 1 litre of tears.. a true story.. i finished watching it couple of days ago but i still cant get over it.. masih search rh youtube lagu2 nya.. i dont want it to end.. ceta ni really dekat sama ati ku.. it affects me so much emotionally and spiritually.. positively.. i now start writing a dairy.. just like her just small little quotes.. cos she believe that writings show the world that we had lived~ :') i love you aya~
Went to kampung jumpa nini and usu last sunday.. so happy~ brought and ate together soto, nasi lemak and kuih2 with nini.. siukk ramai2 mkn rh dapur.. now rumah nini lebih basar dari rumah lama.. so happy to see the new house :) Love nini so much~
1.My mom covered her eyes and said, "But Aya, it's okay because you are smart.You can just stick to whatever subject you enjoy and make use of that in the future. You're good at English, so you should master that. English is an international language so I'm sure it will be of good use. So don't worry if you get a D in P.E..." My tears had stopped falling. There was something left for me. --passage from Aya diary when her body is not working right causing her to do bad in P.E 2.I asked, "...which hospital?" "Just leave it to me, I'll look for a trustworthy place." My tears started to fall endlessly. I wanted to say "Thank you so much mom, and I'm sorry to make you worried," but I could not make any words come out of my mouth. I wondered if my clumsiness is from staying up late at night, eating at different times, but thinking that there is something wrong with me and that's why I have to go see a doctor, left me to do nothing but cry. My eyes are starting to hurt from crying too much.
3.aya gets sick a lot. She uses up twice more money than her siblings. When I become an adult, when I become stronger, I'll let you guys live an easier life. I'll take good care of you guys like you took good care of me. ---from Aya diary 3."Don't cry you cry baby" The tough times are when a human is growing. If I can overcome this, a beautiful morning will be waiting for me. The peaceful morning full of light, with birds singing, and the smell of the white rose... I wonder where happiness is. I wonder what happiness is. "Aya are you happy right now?" "Of course not. I'm in the bottomless pit of sadness. It's so hard. Mentally and physically..." The truth is that I'm a step away from becoming weird! Because the crow that was crying is already laughing.
4.Why did the illness choose me? The word fate isn't a good enough explanation!
5.I thought to myself, hmm I see. My mom is probably in more pain than I am in. My mom works thinking about people who need help and are in pain. When I think about that, I can put up with my troubles. For my parents, myself, and for the society, I decided to continue doing my best with the hope of being able to live. 6.There is only one road for me.
I don't have the right to pick my options. I can never go onto the same path as my friends.
If I make myself feel better by thinking that I'm going to walk the same paths as my friends, my own path will disappear...
I wanna go somewhere...
I wanna hit something really hard, yell and scream like crazy, fall down laughing....
7.Friends are so cool. I wanna be with them forever. 8.Do I not have the freedom to love or be loved by someone? 9.In my dream, I can walk, run, and move freely... In reality, I can't do any of that. 10."Don't do anything rash. I already talked to the taxi company, so you don't have to pay any money," said my mom. Gosh, how much of a money eater bug am I going to be...I cause so much trouble, I'm sorry. 11.I will live "alone" carrying this heavy package called handicap. 12.I at least needed 1 litre of tears to make this decision and I will need more in the future. 13.I don't want to cry anymore. Losing makes me frustrated. If you feel frustrated, do something about it! I can't continue to lose. 14.Hope 1. I will be able to see a clearer future. 2. I will be able to live my own life. 3. The facilities and the system seems to be very good. 4. I will be able to make handicapped friends.
Fear 1. I will be less like a human. 2. I don't know if I'll be able to live with other people. 3. Saying goodbye to me high school friends. 4. How the people(society) will look at me (because of the image of handicap school). 5. Boys. 6. A change within the family.
15."You didn't choose to be sick. There are many things you can do, even if you are handicapped. If you were a person who didn't have the power to think, you wouldn't have been able to feel the kindness, and the warmth that people have, which you first realized after getting sick," says mom. 16.I believe in God. Thinking that God is probably testing me through these hardships, made me feel a lot better. Somehow, I do not want to forget this feeling. 17.I want to study with everyone. I want to learn about many things and become a big person. I don't want to think about my healthy classmates leaving me behind. 18.Why can't I laugh naturally like I used to? I want to go back to the past! I wanna make a time machine and ride it to go back to the past. Watch myself run, walk, roll around, and play with you... but then I come back to reality. Do I really have to come back to reality? I don't wanna grow up! Time...please stop! Tears...stop falling! Ahh...Aya just can't seem to stop crying. 19.I wanna be like the air. The good-hearted person whose kindness overflows and people realize how important she was to them, once she is gone. I wanna be that kind of person. 20.I'm about to lose to the sickness. No! I'm not gonna lose! No matter how hard I try and act happy, when I see my teacher, sisters, brother, and my friends walking normally, I feel miserable 21.Maybe because the cells in my cerebellum were being destroyed, but my body movements have become awkward and I have trouble moving my legs, since my knees would not bend.
I can’t even talk loud anymore, and can only say one word at a time. I can’t even laugh Wahahaha and when I try to, it comes out as Wawawa.
I still tend to swallow accidentally without chewing and I am losing my strength to move my tongue.
Next time when I go to the hospital, I’m going to ask the doctor, “Without hiding the truth, please tell me what's going to happen to me.”
It’s scary to ask, but I need to think about my future. Depending on her answer, I might need to re-think about how I'm going to live my life. 22.During the Star Festival, I wrote “I want to be a normal girl” and my sister got mad at me and asked me, “What makes you so different from a normal girl?”
I wanted to fight back saying, “What’s so wrong about writing the truth?”
I realized that it’s very difficult to admit that you are handicapped, even though you know that you are. 23., "Forget about the past. If you keep looking back, you won't be able to move forward. Walk three steps forward, then two steps back.Life is～" I started to laugh. 24.It's okay if you fall. You can just get up again. Why don't you look up at the sky, while you're down there. The blue sky spreads across above you. Can you see it smiling at you? You are alive. 25.I cried in front of my friends. It made me very sad when my club teacher asked me, "Are you quitting school?" Does it make you feel good to be crying? Not only does it make the people around you feel bad, but doesn't it make you feel empty? Then stop crying! You're cuter when you smile. And if you have something to say, just say it before you start crying!
Hello friends :) im home now typing a post for my blog while munching on my mum's nestum biscuits.. nyums.. yesterday we had ala2 food carnival during our science class.. siuuuk~~ topic is on healthy and unhealthy food.. so each group are given tasks to make healthy food.. group drg ilham buat egg sandwich, durang tikah fruits, durang zainul juice and our group buat popya vege.. initinya carrot, timun, cabbage, talur goreng, crab stick and chicken.. gulung dlm popya and friedless.. mula2 cm ragu2 kan mkn.. inda pernah mkn popya mentah.. but end up nyaman~~~ i think atulah kali aa lau helathy food mesti na mau mkn sl usulnya inda nyman.. but udah di cuba nyaman jua... heheh had a great time!!
Salam~~ waah its been a while.. ive been updating myself in tumblr and not here.. biasalah kesakaian alert..heheh its friday today and im home.. polishing my L&D presentation and report for Monday.. Nevesss eh.. maybe pasal lama dah inda present.. i really need to gain more more confidence.. been losing those confidence bit by bit.. and im afraid to lose all of them when the time comes.. who knows? its week 4 of the semester.. kan masuk week 5.. inda terasa banar.. so far the semester has given me lots of joys.. the best semester so far.. the courses are great and the lecturers too! Love them till bits~ they are so supportive, funny, open-minded, helpful~ aaaa.. so lucky to be in all the courses :) *im so happy*
I just realize whenever lecturers called me by the name of Nurul or Khairunnisa my coursemates jadi cam "uh? sapa tu??" ahahah funny~ well.. im better known as mumui.. can't blame them jua..hehe i was a bit sad lah yesterday.. our last class with mrs Azura for maths.. i really love her class.. very informative and byk benda baru yang ia ajar pakai ict.. which i love.. creating assessments using ms excel (cool!), researching on virtual manipulatives (cool!cool!).. siuk lah and she's very friendly, approachable.. but she delivers her lesson well.. will miss her~ huhu
My brother ajim, masa ni Teaching Practice and been hearing lots of funny, amazing stories on his experiences.. buat me neveessss plg kan TP..huhuh kelmarin ajim ceta.. in one of his class ni da student SENA ( a child with special needs).. jenisnya inda pandai teranah.. lari2.. kali ia kan ke jamban.. balik dari jamban rupanya menukar seluar ya ke jeans..ahah ntah2 kan k mall kali ya.. kali bukanya seluar lari2 th ia rh stadium sekulah.. sibuk lah c ajim.. but durang ni cannot be blamed juakan.. they are a lil bit less than normal but doesnt mean they can't be treated equally. and we cannot blame jua to the TP students cos they are not given proper guidance and courses on how to handle these students.. but i know they re trying their best to learn and to understands their every students needs.. keep it up TP students~ all the best to u all!
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